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Baptist Humor Page
Are you joyful for Christ?
Baptists arent sour-pusses, we be
"Dolphin with my tuna."
and gravy on the half-shell."
"Things that are black and white instead of a checkerboard."
"That the orchestra stand up and the conductor sit down."
"Ladies that are."
"That the Jews keep their land and the Arabs keep quiet."
"That autobiographies should be written in cars."
"Long term life insurance for the short term."
We dont go to the beachwe go to the coast!
We dont gossipwe share prayer requests!
We dont have partieswe have fellowships!
We dont go on vacationswe take missionary trips!
We dont wear britcheswe wear long, tight culottes!
We dont get angrywe just share our feelings!
We dont lustwe just appreciate beauty!
We dont live beyond our meanswe just enjoy Gods blessings!
We dont preach unpreparedwe just let the Spirit fill our mouths!
We dont run up credit cardswe just dont want to carry cash!
We dont neglect to witnesswe just "live" the life!
We dont go to the movieswe just rent videos!
We dont arguewe just have long, heated discussions!
We dont get madwe just have righteous indignation!
We are not worldlywe are just contemporary!
We are not foolishwe are just full of faith!
We are not acting stupidlywe are just trusting God!
We dont rob Godwe just dont feel led to give!
We don't solicit fellow church membersówe just want them to be healthy, wealthy and wise like us!
HAVE ONE TO SHARE?
Ken Orr, a minister of the Sovereign Grace Bible Presbyterian Church (email Ken), meets three Baptist evangelists on the golf course. He invites them to visit his services. Not too long thereafter, and just as the service is starting, they show up.
Attendance was good at Sovereign Grace Bible Presbyterian, and there wasnt a pew available. Several folks were already seated on folding chairs. When Ken saw the three Baptist evangelists enter, he leaned down from the pulpit and whispered to the nearest usher, "Please get three chairs for my Baptist friends in the back."
The usher, hard of hearing, leaned closer and said, "I beg your pardon?"
"Get three chairs for my Baptist friends," Ken whispered louder. The usher strained closer with a puzzled look still on his face.
Once more Ken tried, speaking slowly and distinctly. "Three chairs. For the Baptists," he enunciated.
The ushers face lit up in comprehension, and he turned to face the congregation.
"All right, everybody," he called out to the assembled worshippers, "Three cheers for the Baptists!"
True Bethel Baptist Church of Buffalo, N.Y. added a Subway restaurant in a corner of their building some two years ago. Pastor Dennis Pridgen created a parking pattern to keep restaurant traffic from displacing churchgoers during services. "The church will always come first," said Pastor Pridgen, as he munched on a free Turkey Club with Cheese! (Herald-Tribune)
My preacher friend was pulled over by a policeman. "Please don't give me a ticket; I'm just a poor preacher," he said.
"I know," said the policeman, "I heard you preach last night."
1. Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails and give her some new clothes. (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
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